During our recent refueling stop in Bali, Elder G and I came across the Monitor Lizard.
Monitor Lizards: The Nuts and Bolts
Monitor lizards are lizards in the genus Varanus, the only extant genus in the family Varanidae. They are native to Africa, Asia, and Oceania[…] About 80 species are recognized.
Monitor lizards have long necks, powerful tails and claws, and well-developed limbs. The adult length of extant species ranges from 20 cm (7.9 in) in some species such as Varanus sparnus, to over 3 m (10 ft) in the case of the Komodo dragon.
Habits and diet Most monitor lizards are almost entirely carnivorous, consuming prey as varied as insects, crustaceans, arachnids, myriapods, molluscs, fish, amphibians, reptiles, birds, and mammals. Most species feed on invertebrates as juveniles and shift to feeding on vertebrates as adults. Deer make up about 50% of the diet of adult Komodo dragons, the largest monitor species. In contrast, three arboreal species from the Philippines, Varanus bitatawa, V. mabitang, and V. olivaceus, are primarily fruit eaters.
Monitor lizard meat, particularly the tongue and liver, is eaten in parts of India and Malaysia and is supposed to be an aphrodisiac.
Consuming raw blood and flesh of monitor lizards has been reported to cause eosinophilic meningoencephalitis, as some monitors are hosts for the parasitic nematode Angiostrongylus cantonensis.
Both meat and eggs are also eaten in Southeast Asian countries such as Vietnam and Thailand as a delicacy.
The dried and dyed hemipenes of Bengal monitors, and less often yellow and water monitors, are frequently trafficked and illegally sold in India […] Sellers advertise ‘Hatha Jodi’ as having the tantric power to bring wealth, power and contentment. A pair of hemipenes may sell at a value of up to US$250. […] [T]here is no scientific evidence as to their effectiveness.
A Bengal monitor eating a bird egg in Kaziranga National Park By Donvikro – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=163875096
Water monitor (V. salvator) By yeowatzup – Monitor Lizard, Sungei Buloh Wetlands Reserve, Singapore, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=24522492
Monitor Lizard Sightings in North America
Although monitor lizards are not native to North America[1], some have achieved prominence.
[1] [Monitor lizards] are native to Africa, Asia, and Oceania, and one species is also found in the southern United States as an invasive species.
There is some evidence to suggest that a significant portion of the current federal administration is composed of monitor lizards. This theory has met some push-back, however.
The Monitor Lizard Anti-Defamation League has voiced outrage that they should in any way be associated with magaT.
Monitor lizards display an interesting level of intelligence, in contrast to the current regime
Press release from the Monitor Lizard Anti-Defamation League
“We categorically reject any association with impulsive tweeting, budget theatrics, cruelty, lies, or faux news cable news panels. Our species prefers deliberate ambush strategies and evidence-based sunbathing.”
Intelligence At least some species of monitors are known to be able to count; studies feeding rock monitors varying numbers of snails showed that they can distinguish numbers up to six. Nile monitors have been observed to cooperate when foraging; one animal lures the female crocodile away from her nest, while the other opens the nest to feed on the eggs. The decoy then returns to also feed on the eggs. Komodo dragons at the National Zoo in Washington, DC, recognize their keepers and seem to have distinct personalities. Blue and green tree monitors in British zoos have been observed shredding leaves, apparently as a form of play.
We do, however, have unredacted photographic evidence of monitor lizard infiltration.
And then there’s the photos from the networking and elbow-rubbing session at a cocktail party at the gilded West Wing.
[ed. note: How to get booted off NightCafé, part 27: request an image of a Komodo dragon in female business attire, with just a hint, just a suggestion, of cleavage.]
