While browsing the pro-Ukrainian newspaper The Moscow Times, the WLBOTT Schadenfreude As A Service System (SAAS) alarms started blaring.
By the way, the Moscow Times has a very cool masthead.
The gist of the story:
Russia has a huge theme park dedicated to its military (“Patriot Park”)
The generals in charge of building Six Gulags Over Russia embezzled huge quantities of rubles
They got caught
Semi-gist: to enhance the perversion of this park, they also built a huge Russian Orthodox cathedral on the park grounds
[note to self: when WLBOTT commences its Life of Crime, all transactions will be recorded in rubles. The numbers are just so much bigger.]
A military court on Wednesday sentenced former senior Defense Ministry official Vladimir Shesterov to six years in prison for large-scale fraud tied to state contracts for Russia’s sprawling military theme park.
Shesterov, who served as deputy head of the Defense Ministry’s Main Department for Innovative Development, was arrested last August over the alleged embezzlement of more than 40 million rubles ($510,000) allocated for construction work at Patriot Park.
While “researching” this blott, I tried to find a more photogenic image of Defense Ministry Vladimir. No such photo exists.
Former Deputy Defense Minister Pavel Popov was arrested on fraud charges related to a sprawling military theme park outside Moscow, federal investigators announced Thursday.
Popov is accused of misusing Patriot Park resources for personal gain, allegedly coercing the park’s contract workers into performing unpaid construction work at his private property in the Moscow region between 2021 and 2024. He is also accused of diverting building materials intended for the park to his personal home.
Patriot Park, located in the town of Kubinka, around 63 kilometers (39 miles) west of Moscow, is a military-themed park and exhibition center that features interactive displays of weapons, equipment and live-firing ranges. It is also home to a grandiose Orthodox cathedral dedicated to the Russian Armed Forces.
Patriot Park (Russian: Парк «Патриот») is a theme park in Kubinka, Russia, that is themed around equipment of the Russian military and the Soviet Union’s victory in World War II. The park, which officially opened in 2016, is designed around a military theme, and includes interactive exhibits with military equipment (including a mini-Reichstag to storm).
The next area of Patriot Park was the “Partisan Village” (WW2 Guerrilla Village). A base for partisans of a large unit, it includes more than twenty dugouts, an observation post, a kitchen, a stable and a training center for saboteurs.
In 2020, the Main Cathedral of the Russian Armed Forces was completed.
Specifications
Total land area – 5,414 hectares (54.14 km2)[8]
Military base – 3,530 hectares (35.3 km2)[8]
Civilian part – 1,884 hectares (18.84 km2)[8]
Maximum planned attendance is 20,000 visitors[8]
The shooting range inside Patriot Park has an area of over 160 hectares (1.6 km2) and 32 shooting bays:
One 1400 m long shooting bay
21 shooting bays of 300 m length
10 shooting bays of 50 m length
The entire shooting range is more than 2,500 m wide, and each bay has a stand with seats for spectators and participants. There are also firearm storage facilities, changing rooms and a restaurant. The total grandstand capacity is over 2,000 people.
Main Cathedral of the Russian Armed Forces The Cathedral of the Russian Armed Forces is located within the Moscow Oblast, at 55°34′45″N 36°49′19″E (in case you need to calibrate your GPS or HIMARS).
The Main Cathedral of the Russian Armed Forces (Cathedral of the Resurrection of Christ; Russian: Главный храм Вооружённых сил России (Храм Воскресения Христова)) is a lavish Russian Orthodox Patriarchal cathedral in honour of the Resurrection of Christ and “dedicated to the 75th anniversary of victory in the Great Patriotic War, as well as the military feats of the Russian people in all wars”, built in the Patriot Park in the Odintsovsky District, Moscow Oblast.
In April 2020, photos were leaked showing a partially completed mosaic of Russian President Vladimir Putin, Defence Minister Sergey Shoygu and other high-ranking Russian officials, as well as Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin. The Russian Orthodox Church initially explained the presence of mosaics featuring Putin and Stalin according to the tradition of depicting historical events – in this case, the 2014 annexation of Crimea to Russia and the 1945 Soviet victory in the Great Patriotic War (World War II). Later it was reported that the cathedral would not have any mosaics of either Putin or Stalin. The Russian Orthodox Church explained that this decision was made after taking into account the President’s own opinion.
Amusement Park Rides at Patriot Park ( Six Gulags Over Russia)
Welcome to Patriot Park: Post-Apocalyptic Playland™, where the thrills are mandatory and the safety waivers are classified.
The Whirlwind Warhead Carousel
Children ride atop decommissioned warheads, spinning to the cheery tune of a Soviet march. Every fourth spin, one of the heads “accidentally” beeps.
The Paratrooper Plunge
Riders are strapped into ejection seats salvaged from MiG fighters. They’re catapulted upward and then dropped into a giant padded crater labeled “Soft Landing Zone – Probably.”
The ICBM Log Flume
An actual missile casing, hollowed out and turned into a splash ride. The river is dyed red for no discernible reason.
The T-72 Bumper Tanks
Real tanks, but deweaponized (allegedly), with tiny fuzzy dice hanging from the periscopes. Kids drive them into each other under the eye of stern veterans who score each impact.
The Chicken of Command Experience
Guests enter a virtual reality simulator in which a chicken is placed in charge of a military parade. Surprisingly little difference from real footage.
The Ferris Gulag
A rusting Ferris wheel made of old prison gates and barbed wire. The higher you go, the more uncomfortable the history becomes.
