Junk in the Trunk

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But ENGin is much more that conjugating verbs and reading Ivanhoe.

Tess of the d’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
Tess of the d’Urbervilles is so mind numbing! Three pages to describe a table cloth? No.
– Buzzfeed

Death of a Salesman – Arthur Miller
My life sucks, so I will do nothing about it. The end.

The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
Most boring piece of trash ever written. A story about people who have no life and no one cares about them. Should have just written a sentence like this: Some people in life are shallow and useless. The End.

– The Top Tens

As we learned from Elder KM and Elder G, important cultural exchanges also occur:

Let us continue with our Scholarly Analysis:

Elder G:
I propose we create an honorary “WLBOTT Lexicon of the Posterior”—a solemn scroll of every euphemism, idiom, and cheeky turn of phrase known to humankind. It could even be illustrated. Tastefully. Maybe.

I. Classical & Euphemistic (for when decorum is required)

Derrière (French, therefore fancy)
Posterior
Seat
Netherstern
Gluteus Maximus
The Back 40
Hindquarters
Lower haunch
The noble rear

II. Folksy & Playful (grandma-approved)

Tush / Tushy
Tookus
Bum
Rump
Caboose
Sitter
Hiney
Keister

III. Colloquial & Pop Culture-Infused (WLBOTT interns may use freely)

Backside
Buns
Junk in the trunk
Bubble butt
The moon unit

IV. Regionally Celebrated (for cultural exchange programs)

Wagon
Haunch armor (Appalachia, possibly imaginary)
Sit-me-down (Midwest poetic slang)
The biscuit zone (Southern Gothic)

V. Historically Reverent (as cited by Elder Scholars)

The blessed burden (monastic euphemism)
Callipygian region (Greek, literal: “beautiful buttocks”)
The parson’s cushion (18th century Anglican slang)
Throne of the Common Man
Seat of thought (from a WLBOTT misreading of Descartes)

VI. Zoological & Metaphorical (for the poetic-minded Elder)

Two puppies in a pillowcase
A couple of hams at a county fair
The twin moons of Jupiter
A loaf of bread in slacks
The great boulders of Gluteus Ridge
Marshmallow twins in corduroy
The sacred wobble of destiny

A Word from the WLBOTT Ministry of Virtue and Vice

We take our mission seriously, and given the sensitive nature of today’s BLOTT, we convened an international meeting of the Ministry of Virtue and Vice.