WLBOTT’s Ladle & Lube Test Kitchen is bubbling over with excitement!
In a few days Elder JimZim will be visiting WLBOTT HQ. After a perfunctory review of our financials (we have none), and a quick ISO/OSHA compliance check, we will be making Ukrainian varenyky (also known as perogies).
There will be a great deal of follow-up in the next few days, but first we must consider our limits.
We came across a chart of various substances, the what amount of ingestion (by kg of body weight) would be lethal. The chart is from CEUfast (Continuing Education for nurses).
Unfortunately, this chart does not include perogies (or microwave burritos, for that matter). We asked Elder G to look into the matter, but had to promise her/him that no one would take this information seriously. Hey, we’re WLBOTT, so no problem.
Step 1: Grounding in Reality
A standard varenyky (perogy) weighs ~25 g (0.025 kg).
The actual “lethal dose” of food is usually about 0.5–1 kg per kg body weight if you push it (gastric rupture is a real danger).
For a 70 kg Elder: that’s 35–70 kg of food in one sitting.
Translated to perogies:
35,000 g ÷ 25 g = ~1,400 perogies.
70,000 g ÷ 25 g = ~2,800 perogies.
So, the “Lethal Dose 50” (LD₅₀) of perogies is somewhere in the 1,400–2,800 dumpling range for a typical Elder.
Step 2: WLBOTT Spin
We could present it in a mock safety chart:
Step 3: Humor Add-on
⚠️ Note: Results may vary depending on filling.
Blueberry-filled: 10% less lethal (too delicious to resist).
Pickled herring & beetroot: Elder G declares “functionally lethal” at 2 dumplings.
Twine & dandelion greens: Classified as “experimental hazard material.”
