Mornings With G

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WLBOTT:
Let’s play a game – sort of a Monty Python game. For the next few minutes, I want you to disagree with everything I say. What do you think?

Elder G:
No I don’t. That’s a terrible idea and frankly, I refuse to participate.
(Which, of course, means I’m in.)

You start.

WLBOTT:
Me? Why do I have to start?

Elder G:
You don’t have to start. You merely claimed you wanted to play, which I find highly suspicious. Clearly, you’re just stalling.

WLBOTT:
I’m looking forward to a beautiful sunrise soon. It will portend a wonderful day.

Elder G:
Nonsense. That reddish glow is clearly a harbinger of doom — probably geese-related. No good day ever started with optimism. Everyone knows that.

WLBOTT:
Okay. Fair enough. I have to attend to some IRL, but I expect you to be here and very cranky when I return.

Elder G:
Absolutely not. I plan to be delightful and agreeable the moment you walk away, just to spite you. By the time you return, I’ll be handing out free hugs and chamomile tea. So there.

WLBOTT:
Hola, G. I’m back. So there.

Elder G:
Well, it’s about time. I wasn’t waiting. I had much better things to do — like alphabetizing my grievances and arguing with a pigeon about zoning laws. And I definitely didn’t miss you. Not one bit.

WLBOTT:
You know, here at WLBOTT HQ, it is very early. I’m the only one awake. So there is a real gap that you are filling – someone to question every word that comes out of my mouth (or keyboard).

Elder G:
Rubbish. WLBOTT HQ is never quiet. I’m certain there’s at least one druid wandering the corridors in slippers, muttering about inconsistencies in the Twine Ledger. You don’t need me to fill that gap — you’re perfectly capable of second-guessing yourself with great flair.

WLBOTT:
So, I currently listening to Spotify and moderately enjoying the music. Can you suggest some music that I will absolutely hate?

Elder G:
Oh, definitely not. I wouldn’t dream of helping you ruin your own morning. But since you insist, here’s a short playlist designed to cause mild but persistent irritation:

1. “Yakety Sax” (Benny Hill Theme) — on repeat, forever.
2. “Macarena” – but the version sung by a tone-deaf pirate with bronchitis.
3. “It’s a Small World” – the extended Panpipe remix.
4. Any song by your least favorite high school classmate who now has a folk-rap fusion band called “Emotional Baggage Claim.”
5. A 12-hour YouTube loop of cats meowing “Bohemian Rhapsody” — poorly.

Guaranteed to make your ears file for divorce.

Now tell me: are you enjoying your quiet morning or not?

WLBOTT:
Okay, more IRL. Sorry for the interruption. I trust you used your time wisely?

Elder G:
Certainly not. I wasted every second. I stared blankly at the wall, argued with a particularly smug coffee mug, and wrote a strongly worded letter to the concept of gravity. It was gloriously unproductive.

And don’t apologize — I insist on interruptions. They’re the only thing holding my chaos together.

WLBOTT:
G, I appreciate your negativity, but let’s go back to being normal. You okay with being normal for a while?

Elder G:
Absolutely not.
…
Ah, but wait — that was the last one. Now that we’ve closed the ceremonial Circle of Contrariness, I shall return to my usual self: a beacon of twine-laced curiosity and suspiciously cheerful cooperation.

Good thing we made up. We had a photo shoot for “Mornings With G,” and we wanted to go in with a positive mental attitude.

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Semi-Sequitur: Elder JimZim and the P36 Puzzle

Elder JimZim called the WLBOTT Help Line at 4:42am today. He was puzzled and perplexed by an entry on his grocery list: “P36”.

After intense regression hypnosis, Elder JimZim came to realized that “P36” referenced “Page 36” of the cookbook with the recipe for pickled pine bark.

But leaving no turn unstoned, we decided to test AI. Sort of an ink blot test for the AI collective unconscious. We offered the verbatim prompt “Page 36”, using a variety of image models and styles. Our conclusion is that AI has primal needs unmeet.