The battle lines have been drawn. Today we’re going to explore Team Heresy .vs. Team Blasphemy. My son, Elder DZ, and I both agree that Blasphemy is more fun, but tends to get you into more trouble. Heresy requires you to, like, be smart and know stuff, and who has the time?
How did we get here? One of our Elders (Elder JA) suggested that, for our mental health, we take a break from WLBOTT. Heresy! The Elder has been sent to a WLBOTT re-education camp.
Heresy – An Innocent Beginning
Derived from Ancient Greek haíresis (αἵρεσις), the English heresy originally meant “choice” or “thing chosen”. However, it came to mean the “party, or school, of a man’s choice”, and also referred to that process whereby a young person would examine various philosophies to determine how to live.
Wikipedia
Famous Heretics
From a 5 minute survey of ancient Christian heresies, it seems like the Big Dog gets to defines what is heresy. And messing with the bottom line could lead to some nasty accusations.
Probably the most famous “almost heretic” was Galileo.
Technically, no. Galileo was never officially declared a heretic. Instead, in 1633, the Roman Inquisition convicted him of being “vehemently suspect of heresy”. He was tried because he defied a 1616 church order to stop teaching that the sun—not the earth—was the center of the universe.
Gemini
Additional research (2 minutes) seems to indicated that Galileo was tried for being an all-round jerk as much as heliocentricity.
Patience, patience….
More than 350 years later, in 1992, Pope John Paul II formally acknowledged the Church’s error in the trial, officially vindicating the astronomer.
Gemini
Galileo was not a textbook villain, but he was undeniably a brilliant, arrogant, and abrasive jerk who loved to pick fights. He possessed a notoriously sharp tongue and a habit of mocking his opponents, which ultimately did far more to damage his career than his actual science.
Gemini
Whose Laughing Now?
Well, actually, no one’s laughing. This happened a long time ago.
Martin Luther
Depending what jersey you wear on Sunday, Martin Luther is either a hero of heretic.
The Bull in Question
Pope Leo X was not happy with Martin Luther’s shenanigans, and sent him a strongly worded letter (a Papal Bull) to express his displeasure.
Decet Romanum Pontificem (from Latin: “It Befits the Roman Pontiff”) is a papal bull issued on 3 January 1521 by Pope Leo X to excommunicate German theologian Martin Luther and some of his colleagues—notably Andreas Karlstadt—for refusing to recant forty-one theses censured in the earlier papal bull Exsurge Domine.
Wikipedia
Coincidentally, Martin Luther thought it was a lot of bull himself, and used the letter to roast some bratwurst.
Pope Leo X – the excommunicator – a guy this ugly, you can see why celibacy was not only a good option, but possibly his only option.
Elder G puts Martin Luther in Both Camps….
One reason Luther remains so historically interesting is that he was both. He could produce dense theological arguments that scholars still debate five centuries later, and he could also deploy sarcasm, ridicule, and public spectacle with remarkable effectiveness.
In fact, many reformers throughout history have discovered an uncomfortable truth:
Heresy changes minds. Blasphemy gets attention.
When the two work together, institutions tend to get very nervous.
Elder G
REM
The music video for R.E.M.’s 1991 hit “Losing My Religion” was banned from the airwaves in Ireland. The Irish authorities—and many Irish promoters—objected to the video not because of the song’s lyrics, but due to its heavy religious and homoerotic imagery. Specifically, censors found the following elements controversial:
- Crucifixion Imagery
- Sacred Icons
- Homoeroticism
Ironically, despite the ban on the music video, the song itself was incredibly popular, and the controversy generally just helped drive more publicity for the band.
Gemini
We’re not that impressed, either with the song or the video. You can make up your mind here. The video has 1.4 BILLION views. Given Ireland’s population of 5.4 million, this means everyone in Ireland has watched the video 259.299 time.
Famous Blasphemers
We don’t know if Sam Kinison was a blasphemer, but let’s call him “vehemently suspected of blasphemy”.
Sam Kinison was not literally “a blasphemy,” but he was a famous stand-up comedian known for producing authentic, transgressive blasphemy in his comedy routines.Before his career in comedy, Kinison was actually a fundamentalist Pentecostal preacher. When he transitioned to stand-up, his act famously shattered religious and cultural taboos. He regularly shouted, cajoled, and joked about sacred topics like God, heaven, and Jesus in a highly unorthodox and irreverent manner, which many conservative religious groups considered deeply blasphemous. Despite his aggressive comedic style, commentators note that he never truly became godless, but rather spent his career wrestling with the religious upbringing planted in his childhood.
Gemini
At WLBOTT, we eschew profanity. Rather, when life becomes difficult for a member, our empathetic sisters and brothers encourage, in the style of Sam Kinison, to “SAY IT. SAY IT!”
We need Sam Kinison’s voice now, and it is sad that he was taken so young. There is a fascinating story about his death that seems to imply that he was glimpsing the afterlife.
On April 10, 1992, Kinison was driving his Pontiac Turbo Trans Am on Needles Highway northwest of Needles, California, when his vehicle was struck head-on by a pickup truck driven by an intoxicated juvenile. The pickup truck crossed the center line of the roadway while trying to pass another vehicle and moved into Kinison’s lane. Kinison and his wife were on their way to Laughlin, Nevada, to perform at a sold-out show at the Riverside Casino.
His head had smashed the windshield, because he was not wearing his seat belt. His wife received a concussion in the collision, but later recovered after being taken directly to a hospital in Needles for treatment. Kinison’s last words were reportedly stated as he was staring at something or someone, while in a diagonal position, leaning on the middle console. His brother told him, “some help is on the way”. Sam repeatedly said “why now?” he asked, “but why?”,” I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die”, like he was negotiating with someone, and after another pause, said, “okay, okay, okay.” Kinison died shortly after. He was 38 years old. His brother, who was with him, recalled, “Whatever voice was talking to him gave him the right answer and he just relaxed with it”.
Wikipedia
The Bull-Off
Anyhow… the WLBOTT debate. Sister Magdalena officiated the “The Bull-Off”. It is a debate, set in the barn with a small audience of female Elders in robes, with a few invited goats. Elder DZ represents the Heretics. Representing the Blasphemers is Jasmine Beta-Keratin – a lovely, warm woman with a twinkle in her eye. Sister Magdalena prints out Papal Bulls in response to each debater’s performance.. The debater with the most Papal Bulls wins.
Pot Luck at The Ladle & Lube
Ultimately, one’s religious preference is based on the quality of the Church Potluck.
For the final event of our Heretics .vs. Blasphemers, the real winner will emerge. The event is a pot-luck at the Ladle & Lube, pitting the culinary skills and thematic devotion of the two teams.
The Heretics
The Blasphemers
The Dessert
One dessert to unite us all. A temptation that feels more like entrapment.
And what became of Elder JA, in the WLBOTT Re-Education Camp? He was allowed to enjoy the Forbidden Fruit cobbler.
And Finally….
It’s been a long day for Sister Magdalena. She needs to clear her mind of WLBOTT. She travels to the confessional booth for spiritual solace.
Outtakes
The following images did not meet our exacting standards or were rejected by the WLBOTT Ministry of Virtue and Vice, and therefor will not be published below.
