[ed. note: Big thanks to Elder JimZim for introducing us to Grønk. Elder JimZim (on the advice of his attorneys) is interested in establishing plausible deniability, but his fingerprints are all over Grønk (figuratively). WLBOTT stands on the shoulders of giants, and Elder JimZim has asked up, politely but firmly, to not wear spiked heels next time.]
WLBOTT recently hired Grønk as our head of corporate philanthropy. Here is how that came to pass.
Elder JimZim was volunteering at the Houston Food Bank, and noticed a Norwegian man who dove into his work with gusto.
I’m pooped. I was worked in the cold room. 42F. Our group of about 16 people donned overalls, aprons, hairnets, gloves etc. out job was to take a partially thawed whole chicken out of a 50lb box, drop the individual chickens into separate bags that were vacuum sealed and then packed to boxes to refreeze. Ultimately would be distributed to clients along with dry goods.
The 50 lb box probably was packed at the processing plant and then shipped to the food bank. They were smaller birds – maybe 4 lbs. we had an assembly line and i was on the front end extracting the bird from the box and dropping into a bag being held by the next person and then onto the seal station. Would get pretty primal when the birds were still frozen together and I had to rip them apart. Lots of nasty pinkish thawed ice water sloshing around. We packed 4000 chickens in 3.5 hours.
There was a group of ~ eight Mormon missionary girls in our team. They do one shift a week. The 19 year old supervisor of the group was my bag holder. She was quite chatty. I think they are not allowed to proselytize at the food bank but she was trying out her chitchat with me and asked if I had a faith tradition. Actually kinda interesting since I chatted her up about the logistics of doing mission work in Houston etc.
Elder JimZim
But Elder JimZim’s most intriguing encounter was with a quiet older gentleman who went by the name of Grønk.
As Elder JimZim came to learn…
Grønk was born in Hell, Norway. His family had a small farm and raised possums to harvest their fur for warm sweaters and meat for the local school lunchrooms. Grønk was fascinated by agriculture and went to study seed science at The University of Trondheim. He did his post graduate work on Svarbald, mostly in total isolation at the World Seed Vault.
He passed his time there writing haikus and limericks to amuse himself and the seven other scientists who over-wintered at Svarbald. Upon completion of his PhD, he went to work on the Norwegian Coastal Ferry, Hurtigruten, as the onboard entertainment director. During the summer, this means hosting Scrabble tournaments on the aft deck (Norwegian Scrabble is challenged by having the three additional vowels relative to English). During the winter, he is tasked with keeping the path from the ferry’s sauna to the outdoor plunge pool free of snow.
His world view consists of promoting a societal system based in anarchy but fostering Unity. Grønk never married due to his pursuit of isolation and lack of social skills but he did archive his blood and saliva at the Seed Vault so that, in event of a global calamity, the re-emergent human race could have the benefit of his genes. His current musical obsession is trying to reconcile the arc of Norwegian music from the works of Edvard Grieg to modern day death metal music by Blood Red Throne. Based on his early diet consisting of mainly possum meat, he is now a pesca-pescatarian (only eating fish that only eat fish).
Why is Grønk a pesca-pescatarian? He explains that he was a pesca-pesca-pescatarian (only eating fish that only eat fish that only eat fish), but acquiring his dinner became problematic.
Possums in Norway?
Possums are not native to Norway, so how did they end up there? Grønk’s grandfather, Bjørn-Olaf Grønk, returned from an agricultural exchange visit to Arkansas in 1957 with two breeding opossums hidden inside a bassoon case. The Grønk family subsequently became Norway’s only licensed opossum ranchers.
Their celebrated school-lunch dish, possumfrikadeller, was quietly discontinued in 1983.
Some feral possums have escaped into the wild, but have been integrated into Norwegian society.
Semi-Sequitur: Blood Red Throne
Blood Red Throne is a Norwegian death metal band. They were formed in Kristiansand, Norway, in 1998 by former Satyricon live-guitarist Daniel “Død” Olaisen.
Stylistically, they are regarded as the most-pure death metal band in Norway alongside Cadaver, with a distinct influence from what is known as Florida death metal. They are known for their energetic live-performances.
After a brief discussion, WLBOTT decided not to contact Blood Red Throne to perform at our annual Father/Daughter Valentine’s dance. And I must say, the WLBOTT Elders threw off their headphones with great gusto after listening to BRT’s demo CD. It is certainly not everyone’s cup of tea.
Grønk, of course, took the rejection with characteristic stoicism. He was standing out near the Twine Ball, chin deep in his possum-fur collar, drafting a limerick to process his profound disappointment with the Elders’ lack of sonic vision:
A fellow named Grønk loved the blast, Of metal both heavy and fast. The Elders said, “No! This screeching must go!” So he turned on Edvard Grieg at last.
Grønk’s musical fusion….
Alma Mater: University of Trondheim
The University of Trondheim existed from 1968 until 1996, when it became part of what is now the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU). Or, as we call it, Knitt-Knu.
Perhaps an opportunity for Sally the Intern?
The downside of working at NTNU is the possibility that the University will book Blood Red Throne for a team building event.
