Firstly, WLBOTT doesn’t have an owner. We are beholden to no man’s purse strings. But our major benefactor is John Beresford Tipton (known around the office as JBT). JBT is Fred’s uncle. Fred was threatened with suspension from his Catholic middle school for orchestrating what as become known at the “Whoopee Cushion Riots.” He secretly provide the entire student body with whoopee cushions, and during a school assembly, on Good Friday, of all days, the student body completely drown out the head nun’s speech. Sister Magdalene of the Open Window was not amused, and gave JBT an ultimatum – either Fred performs some serious penance, or he is expelled. And what could be a more grave penance than having to intern at WLBOTT?
In an act of avuncular benevolence, JBT reached out to WLBOTT. This is how Fred came to join our hollowed ranks at WLBOTT HQ.
Fred was assigned to the WLBOTT Dept. of Oh Grow Up.
We seek not to discipline, but to act as disciples.
Thus Fred was sentenced to intern at WLBOTT HQ, a place whose hollowness is ceremonial, not moral.
This is not punishment by drudgery.
This is correction by example.
At WLBOTT, Fred will learn:
- the difference between disruption and satire
- how to mow the Elders’ lawns
- that ethical humor always punches upward
- the moral arc of the whoopee cushion is long, but always bends toward…. well…. (we’re still working on this one)
- any maintenance issue that involves a plunger
- other duties as assigned
Fred’s First Day
Fred was a bit nervous at his first day at work, but this is only natural. We did our best to make him feel welcome.
Sister Magdalene of the Open Window visited WLBOTT on Fred’s first day, partly to make sure he showed up, and partly to show support as Fred straddles two worlds.
Elder G and Sister M: two guardians of formation, each fluent in order, each suspicious of chaos for different reasons. No sparks, just pressure and grace.
Sister M takes a moment for quite reflection on Fred’s new situation. She is overcome by the ecumenical spirit.
Pastoral Détente
You recall Tess Twinehart, WLBOTT’s chicken-whisperer, our friend to the lovelorn. Since Tess will be acting as Fred’s guidance counselor, Sister M wants to meet with her. Tess offers her a pro-bono counselling session, where they find they have many things in common.
Sister M meets with some of the senior female Elders at the WLBOTT Test Kitchen and Tractor Lube Station (The Ladle & Lube)
Sister M is beginning to realize:
Wisdom is not monolithic.
Authority comes in many costumes.
Coffee equalizes everyone.
This gathering quietly reassures Sister M that:
- Fred is surrounded by women who have lived
- WLBOTT may be odd, but it is not careless
- Formation happens over coffee as often as sermons
As part of the tour, Sister M visited the unpaid intern wing of WLBOTT HQ. George (he’s single, ladies!) is not really familiar with the concept of nuns, and was quickly smitten with Sister M. He gets down on one knee and pulls out yet another engagement ring. Sister M is flattered and confused. She tells George, “Dude, I’m already married!”
This was in direct violation of WLBOTT’s “No Proposals During Work Hours” policy.
Anyhow….
As the sun sets in the west, Fred gets a ride back into town with Sister M.
Fred asks Sister M, “So is my penance over?” to which Sister M replies, “Oh no, dear boy. It’s one day per whoopee cushion. Get used to WLBOTT.”