Introducing…. George!
Before we continue with the Beheadrix Judith, let’s introduce our unpaid marketing intern, George.
George instantly fit the WLBOTT ecosystem like he was always here – lurking in the background of every broom closet at HQ, alphabetizing romance paperbacks and practicing witty Cary Grant eyebrow lifts in reflective stainless steel surfaces of the breakroom refrigerator.
George asked us to remind the WLBOTT audience that he’s single. Given the right romantic environment, George is willing to believe in astrology.
In his free time, George likes to attend renaissance fairs, where he delights the crowd with his bagpipes.
Given George’s interests in romance novels, we’ve given him the lead on modernizing the tale of Judith and Holofernes.
Take it away, George!
Romance Novel Prototypes: For-Profit Health Care
Your Head is My Co-Pay
George (he’s single, ladies!) starts us off with a contemporary reimagining of Judith, now fighting the greedy healthcare CEOs – with a vengeance!
Judith believed medicine was sacred — a covenant of compassion.
Holofernes believed medicine was a casino — where sickness was an asset class and suffering was a quarterly dividend.
When Judith discovered that the man with the billion-dollar smile was quietly strangling the nation with denial codes, prior authorizations, billing opacity, and actuarial cruelty… something inside her snapped like a brittle hospital tongue depressor.
Now Judith walks the razor edge between cure and vengeance — white lab coat swirling behind her like the cape of an avenging angel — her scimitar glinting with the promise of an end to predatory premiums.
In a world where the price of survival is calculated in secret conference rooms, Judith will show one CEO that there are some debts which can only be paid in full.
Is this revenge?
Is this justice?
Or is this the most dangerous kind of love – the kind that refuses to be silently coded as “experimental and not medically necessary”?
Deductible of Doom
Judith once believed love could save a life. Then she discovered that in America… love is out-of-network.
Her husband needed treatment — simple, proven, routine.
But one signature. One CEO. One denial stamped at 4:59pm on a Friday…
turned hope into a death sentence.
Now Judith wears black not as symbol of despair –
but as uniform of righteous retribution.
Holofernes, the billionaire architect of surprise billing and suffering monetization, sleeps soundly in his penthouse — convinced that actuarial tables and quarterly earnings reports make him untouchable.
But he has forgotten the oldest actuarial fact of all:
Every empire ends.
From rain-slick parking garages to mahogany boardrooms, Judith hunts him through the labyrinth of American health finance — armed not with petitions… but with the blade he never saw coming.
Because grief multiplied by injustice becomes something alchemical.
And when the deductible is doom — Judith intends to make sure he pays it.
A WLBOTT Romance
The most expensive medicine in the world… is revenge.
The Assassin with Zero Out-of-Pocket
Actuaries were supposed to be the quiet ones — the anonymous monks of mortality math — but Judith has learned the truth: the most dangerous killers in the modern world don’t carry guns… they carry spreadsheets.
Buried deep inside the insurance conglomerate’s secret calculation vaults, the Chief Actuary Holofernes created a proprietary algorithm that could predict a patient’s lifetime cost with near perfect accuracy. Then he used it to decide who lived, who died, and who was quietly denied — all while smiling behind a wall of actuarial jargon.
But Judith has infiltrated his cathedral of server racks.
She is the new variable he never included in his model.
She is the statistical anomaly that destroys the entire regression field.
She is the blade that makes every actuarial assumption… terminal.
Armed with a stolen flash drive and her scimitar of HMO justice, Judith now plays a deadly game of sabotage, seduction, and mathematical retribution — where every decimal place could be a weapon, and every mortality table is really a hit list.
When love becomes espionage and spreadsheets become apocalypse…
Zero out-of-pocket is not just a benefit.
It is a promise.
A WLBOTT Romance: Some models predict the future. Judith writes it.
[ed. note: add to the list of banned NightCafe words: Stalin, decapitation, and sometimes “voluptuous“. Also, this phrase was banned: “Her expression is calm, penetrating, slightly amused.”
But I will say this: if you’re doing images of puppies and rainbows, NightCafe is the way to go.]