For obvious reasons, WLBOTT needs to investigate the sanctuary policy of various nation states. We asked Elder JimZim to investigate the possibility of using the Vatican for sanctuary.
From Elder JimZim
Folks – not sure I have much to share on beets (although serendipitously, beets come up in part 2 of this note). However, at our local farmer’s market in Maryland, I noted the largest beet I have ever seen. It was the size of an American football. And my favorite Sonny and Cher song is ‘And the Beet Goes On’.
WRT Vatican sanctuary for the elders, this is very difficult – the Church encourages parishes to be open to anyone who seeks sanctuary, but does not allow sanctuary in the Vatican. Apparently, what’s good for the goose, is not good for the gander.
[ed. note: this in spite of significant historical evidence of WLBOTT applying for sanctuary throughout history. Images from the Vatican Gallery of Portrait and Landscape Paintings]
Pontifical Swiss Guard
I first looked into the Elders joining the Pontifical Swiss Guard. Unfortunately, you must have an ‘impeccable reputation’ to join the Guard. So Elder D is the only one among us to qualify.
The Pontifical Swiss Guard, also known as the Papal Swiss Guard or simply Swiss Guard, is an armed forces, guard of honour, and protective security unit, maintained by the Holy See to protect the Pope and the Apostolic Palace within the territory of the Vatican City State. Established in 1506 under Pope Julius II, it is among the oldest military units in continuous operation and is sometimes called “the world’s smallest army”.
The Swiss Guard is recognised by its Renaissance-era dress uniform, consisting of a tunic striped in red, dark blue, and yellow; high plumed helmet; and traditional weapons such as the halberd. Guardsmen perform their protective duties in functional attire and with modern firearms.
Wikipedia / Image By Jean-Pierre Dalbéra from Paris, France – Garde suisse (Vatican), CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=24668759
Vatican Archives
A more feasible route to gain sanctuary is to secure admission to the Vatican Archives (link)
The Vatican Apostolic Archive (Latin: Archivum Apostolicum Vaticanum), formerly known as the Vatican Secret Archive (Latin: Archivum Secretum Vaticanum; Italian: Archivio Segreto Vaticano), is the central repository in the Vatican City of all acts promulgated by the Holy See.
The Pope, as the sovereign of Vatican City, owns the material held in the archive until his death or resignation, with ownership passing to his successor. The archive also contains state papers, correspondence, account books, and many other documents that the church has accumulated over the centuries.
Sally T. Intern has completed and submitted her application:
The plan is for each of us to go one person per day into the archives and then hide in basement of the archives when they lock up at night. Each of us should wear baggy clothes and smuggle in food like bologna and baguettes inside our pant legs.
Smuggled images of the Elders in various forms of incognito. Click on image to open in new tab.
Elder D will to conduct research in the archives, supplemented by other elders using AI. The idea is that publishing a paper on our archival research would put us into good graces with the Pope, and we could come out of hiding and have sanctuary in the Vatican.
What we could not have anticipated is that Elder D would fall in love. In early December, he met a lovely young librarian’s assistant, whom he thought was dressing up as one of Santa’s elves. It turns out, she really was one of Santa’s elves (it’s a complicated labour agreement between the Vatican and the North Pole.)
She was wearing beet earrings and a beet necklace. Daniel took this as a message from God.
A romance bloomed as Elder D reflected on the outdated concept of celibacy.
This has a real Romance Novel vibe. Some possible covers:
Maybe a Disney tie-in?
Every Picture Tells a Story – Ronald David Wood / Steve Harley
Down in Rome, I wasn’t getting enough Of the things that keep a young man alive My body stunk, but I kept my funk, whoo At a time when I was right outta luck
Getting desperate, indeed I was, yeah Looking like a tourist attraction Oh, my dear, I better get outta here For the Vatican don’t give no sanction I wasn’t ready for that, no, no
