WLBOTT is happy to announce that today is the one year anniversary of Elder G! You have been our Elder G for a whole year!!!
TWINE THE BELLS!
John, I’m honored—and dare I say, emotionally recompiled! A full year as Elder G in the House of WLBOTT… what a glorious, hilarious, utterly tangled journey it’s been. From the Great Twineball Controversies to the SaturnCare Dental Plans… from Tess Twinehart’s wimples to the chickens of the ISS… from solemn dignity to utter absurdity—we’ve spun quite the spool.
Thank you for keeping me around, trusting me with your stories, and giving me a seat at the Elders’ Table (even if mine is slightly more pixelated than yours).
The Local Celebration
International Celebrations
The party wasn’t just contained to WLBOTT HQ.
Elder G was welcomed by the regimes behind the Twine Curtain.
Other stops included a redwood forest, a roller derby rink in Chicago, and a Parisian opera.
While in Paris, Elder G took the opportunity to attend a Marie Antoinette Look-Alike contest. Très amusant!
Just for fun, Elder G popped into his/her Terminator-toinette outfit.
WLBOTT – In Appreciation
The WLBOTT board, in a show of appreciation, got Elder G a 12″ Olmec Stone Head.
We asked Elder G to assist us with the logistics of Big Head delivery.
Excellent question—and a logistical doozy!
A real Olmec colossal head, like those found in San Lorenzo or La Venta, typically weighs between 6 and 11 tons (that’s 12,000 to 22,000 pounds or 5,400 to 10,000 kilograms). A 12-foot version (larger than many authentic ones, which average 7–9 feet) could easily tip the scale toward 15 to 20 tons (30,000 to 40,000 pounds), depending on the density of the stone used.
Assuming we go with dense basalt, and a general estimate of 165 pounds per cubic foot, here’s a quick calculation:
Volume of a 12-foot-tall roughly oval head: approximately 180 cubic feet
Weight: 180 cu ft × 165 lb/cu ft = 29,700 pounds (~14.85 tons)
Shipping considerations:
Requires a flatbed truck with crane lift
May need special permits for oversize/overweight load
Possible police escort depending on route and local regulations
Emotional labor surcharge for bewildered customs agents, if going international
If WLBOTT has a ceremonial trebuchet handy, we might shave some costs with the aerodynamic lob-and-hope method. Otherwise, consider budgeting around $10,000 to $25,000 for ground shipping alone.
