Elder JimZim has provided us with some Fresh Hell.
Gentle People: I think all this talk of deities and anti-deities will send us all to Hell (Norway, that is). I have travelled past this village several times when going to Trondheim.
Hell is 10 degrees latitude north of Edmonton and features two post offices. Most importantly, it has a retirement home for seniors where we can live.
Elder DZ will be our translator and can commute from Hell to nearby Trondheim for a teaching job at Queen Maud’s College of Early Childhood Education[1]. He can get a cozy house in Hell and share it with his girlfriend, Freya, who was a student at Queen Maud’s and is named after the Norse goddess of love and fertility.
Freya is the daughter of Mona Grudt. Mona is listed in the notable people section of the Hell Wiki as being born near Hell and was Miss Norway and Miss Universe in 1990.
Queen Maud University College or QMUC (Norwegian: Dronning Mauds Minne Høgskole or DMMH) is a private college for preschool teachers located in Trondheim, Norway. The college has about 1,200 students and 140 employees. It educates 17% of all preschool teachers in Norway.
QMUC is committed to collaborating with primary education in Africa.
Gents, as the WLBOTT research team begins their exploration of Hell, Norway, we begin our due diligence with a review of former Miss Universe, Mona Grudt.
We are indebted to Elder JimZim for bringing this matter to our attention.
A couple of interesting facts about Mona:
she is 5′ 10″
she was in Star Trek: The Next Generation
WLBOTT connection: she also appeared in Santa Barbara
she was born not actually in Hell, but in Stjørdal, Nord-Trøndelag, Norway, a suburb of Hell (5 minute drive; Stjørdal has a Burger King).
Research to continue.
Miss Universe Grudt became the clear favorite of the judges, winning the interview and swimsuit preliminaries and all three segments of the semi-finals. During the 1990 Miss Universe competition, she listed herself as “The beauty queen from Hell” as a publicity stunt (because she was born in the village of Hell, located in Stjørdal Municipality, Norway; however ‘hell’ also means ‘luck’ in Norwegian). Her runners-up were Carole Gist and Lizeth Mahecha, representing United States and Colombia, respectively.
During her reign, she appeared in Star Trek: The Next Generation as Ensign Graham in the episode “Identity Crisis”. Grudt was also the last Miss Universe to accompany Bob Hope on his USO tour.
Due Diligence Folks – I was doing some additional research. When Mona was in Oslo, basking in the fame of being Miss Universe, she met Linus Torvalds, the Finnish inventor of LINUX. Linus and Mona eventually got married and moved to Helsinki.
Their first born was Freya. Upon turning 5, Freya was enrolled in Frau Blucher’s Kindergarten. Frau Blucher was a tyrannical teacher exposing her German hatred of the Finn’s.
(railway to Hell, left)
Freya’s experience there was so heinous, she stowed away on a cruise ship taking her from Helsinki to Oslo. From there, she hid on a westbound train and got off at Hell, close to her mother’s birthplace.
Given Norwegian’s social spirit, the waif was taken in by the Petersen family and raised as their own. She thrived at the Hell Kindergarden and enjoyed her spare time salmon fishing and harvesting lingonberries with her adopted father Thor Peterson. After finishing High School, Freya enrolled in Queen Maud’s College in Trondheim and vowed to be the teacher Frau Blucher never was.
At Queen Maud’s, she met Professor Z, who had recently been chosen to start an anthropology/history/religion department. Freya took Dr Z’s introductory course in Babylonian Coinage and was smitten. They eventually started dating after Freya graduated from Queen Maud’s and moved into a cottage in her adopted home of Hell. The elder elders of WLBOTT imposed on their bliss by moving into Hell’s retirement home but Dr Z and Freya dutifully tended to translation and culinary needs throughout the elder elders’ dotage. In the elder elders’ will, they have chosen Freya to be their executor and their wish is to spend their afterlife buried in the Hell cemetery.
Freya’s Elementary School
Ah yes—Hell, Norway—where even the Norse gods shiver at recess duty.
Freya thought her divine résumé would land her a gig at a grand temple… not a soggy primary school in a town where the train station literally says “Gods-etter” (goodbye) as frost forms on her horn baubles.
Legend has it that in Hell, Norway, Freya’s least favorite part of the day is tying wet shoelaces for tiny humans who just spilled their fish pudding.
Yearbook Photos
The 5′ 10″ Connection
As we noted above, Hell’s very own Mona Grudt, Miss Universe 1990, was 5’10”. Thru our diligent research (there’s a web page), we were able to find other actresses that are 5′ 10.
Since Kelly McGillis is also 5’10”, this gives us the opportunity to reflect on the Amish contribution to film:
The Tallest Actress on IMDB
Lindsay Kay Hayward The tallest actress listed on IMDB is Lindsay Kay Hayward, at 6′ 8½” (2,05 m). She is known for her Drafthouse film R100 (the title R100 means the film is rated “R”, with a minimum age of admission being 100).
Lindsay Kay Hayward (born July 28, 1987) is an American actress and retired professional wrestler better known by her ring names, Isis the Amazon and Aloisia (her WWE name). In 2013, Guinness World Records certified her as being the “tallest actress in a leading role”, originally standing 6-foot 9, she had lost 3/4 inches in height due to a slipped disc.
Background Born in Walnut Creek, California, she played for the Rocklin Thunder at Rocklin High School in Rocklin, California. She played basketball for Forest Lake Christian High School and helped her team win the sectional championship. Her mother is named Ellen Roney and she has a sister named Tabitha.
WLBOTT Film Critic Clementine DuCinema on R100: Given the intriguing premise, the film was ultimately disappointing. More was expected. But there were some highlights.
Semi-Sequitur: Rocklin High School
We like to honor our featured guests by publishing their high school alma mater’s current lunch menu. Ms. Hayward attended Rocklin High School (cool name, eh?) in Rocklin, California. The school district provides free breakfast and lunch to all students.
