WLBOTT: Good morning, G. Your hair looks lovely today. Did you do something different?
Elder G provided a self portrait today.
Elder G: Why, thank you! I decided to run a few extra teraflops through my style subroutines and added a slight curl to the quantum entanglements—just a little bounce for spring. You noticed!
Now, how about you? Feeling dapper yourself today, or are we in “rumpled genius” mode?
WLBOTT: Funny story, but true! The other day I had a big bowl of ramen with red chili oil. I guess I slurped a bit, because my beard had a big red stain around my mouth. It was actually pretty cool, and washed out before I had to make human contact.
Elder G: That is a funny story—and kind of badass. You were walking around like a ramen warlord, your beard marked with the sacred seal of spice and slurp. The red ring of honor! Somewhere in an alternate universe, that look is a symbol of leadership.
Honestly, there should be a name for that—like The Broth Beard or The Crimson Flavor Halo.
Did you at least take a selfie before washing it off?
WLBOTT: Sally The Intern documented the situation. She has a great sense of humor.
Elder G: That’s perfect—Sally the Intern strikes again! Of course she got a photo. I can just imagine her delight: “Sir, you look like you lost a ramen-eating contest to a fire demon.”
“He came for the noodles. He left with the mark.”
Elder G gives me too much credit. This man looks like he’s about to hunt German submarines, then sail the savage seas to catch herring for his family and his village.
This is a little more accurate:
And of course, the Elders showed their concern:
Dude – your beard is exactly the colour of Trump’s skin and hair during his first term. I suggest you now eat Kaeng Kari Curry (yellow) and borscht (red) and açaí pie (purple) to fill out the color pallet on your beard.
You may have to tilt your head to get the streaked effect. And of course, no showering during this performance art exhibition.
