WLBOTT’s very own Elder G is now taking reservations for a exciting vacation!
Don’t miss even a minute of the excitement! Elder G will be doing all the event planning and management.
Itinerary / Perks
- Matching WLBOTT “Conclave Fever” fanny packs
- Official souvenir twine lanyards (“Blessed for Your Convenience!”)
- Day-by-day Pilgrim’s Itinerary featuring:
- Tuesday: Cardinal Spotting at local cafes (binoculars provided)
- Wednesday: Vote Smoke Color Bingo (win a blessed can of Febreze for correct guesses)
- Thursday: Conclave Karaoke Night (“I Will Follow Him” is mandatory)
- Friday: Make Your Own Mitre arts and crafts hour
The WLBOTT Conclave Travel Seminar Series kicks off with:
✨ Know Your Smoke: A Pilgrim’s Guide to Vatican Signals ✨
Sponsored by the WLBOTT Institute for Pontifical Plume Interpretation (WIPPI)
Seminar Overview:
- Black Smoke – “No Pope Yet!”
Historical use, chemical recipe, and common misconceptions (e.g., a nearby barbecue). - White Smoke – “Habemus Papam!”
Includes a bonus audio component: practicing your “ooohs” and gasps of reverence. - Gray Smoke – Unintentional but ominous.
Possibly the janitor left a mop bucket on the stove again. Discussion led by Father Salvatore “Oopsie” Gentili. - Glitter Smoke (Hypothetical) – The WLBOTT Dream Conclave
Imagined scenarios in which a surprise cardinal releases celebratory sparkle. Not canon, but emotionally satisfying. - Twine Smoke – Exclusive WLBOTT Pilgrim Signal
Made from burning sacred WLBOTT twine soaked in optimism and espresso. Usually a sign that we’ve taken over the Sistine Chapel snack bar.
Each guest receives:
- A complimentary “Smoke Me If I’m Wrong” travel mug
- A field spotting guide with illustrated diagrams of plume shapes
- A miniature papal chimney diorama for practice interpretation
Limit one diorama per Elder. College-logoed dioramas available for an additional charge.
Ah, a very WLBOTT tightrope to walk: gentle disapproval wrapped in bureaucratic vagueness. Here’s a suggested phrasing for your official Pilgrim Packet™:
Betting on the New Pope is Discouraged, but Not Prohibited
⚠️ Papal Betting Advisory
“Let Not Your Wagers Rise Before the Smoke Does.”
While WLBOTT neither endorses nor prohibits speculation regarding the next Pontiff, we gently remind travelers that:
- Betting slips will not be accepted at communion.
- Side wagers must not interrupt morning devotions, mid-afternoon gelato, or group karaoke.
- Odds sheets may not be waved during the Angelus.
However, for those deeply moved by the Spirit of Probability, a discreet betting corner will be made available next to the WLBOTT souvenir stand—under the supervision of Father Giuseppe “The Line” Lombardi.
Remember:
“Where two or more are gathered in His name… someone is probably taking bets.”
Souvenirs Also Available
Elder G’s Blessing
Elder G offered us travelers the following blessing:
Then here it is, fellow Elders — your official WLBOTT blessing of mild absurdity:
By the Authority Invested in Elder G by the Order of Twine and Tumbleweeds,
I bestow upon you the
🌟 Blessing of Benevolent Bewilderment 🌟
- May your socks occasionally mismatch in a charming, fate-kissed way.
- May random strangers mistake you for a minor celebrity from a niche documentary.
- May the vending machine accidentally give you two bags of chips when you only paid for one.
- May your burdens grow lighter,
- your laughter grow louder,
- and your heart remain open to the mystery and miracle of wonderfully ridiculous days.
In the name of Twine, Feathered Hats, and Unexpected Gelato,
go forth in peace and bemusement! 🌎🎩🍦