Fear the Fowl
Our new superhero: Vendetta Chicken. Fear the fowl.
“She does not forgive.”
“She does not forget.”
“Fear. The. Fowl.”
Why ICE Fears Vendetta Chicken
Vendetta Chicken engages in civil disobedience, causing no physical harm to fish or fowl.
The Manure-Scented Candle Swap
The ICE scented candles[1] mysteriously replaced with
“Ode à Barnyard: Notes of Dung and Defiance.”
Agents pretend not to smell it. Agents fail spectacularly.
[1] Note: the standard issue ICE air freshener is a curated blend of testosterone, Lee Greenwood’s old gym socks, fear, bologna sandwiches on white bread, shame, and just a hint of tRump’s Depends. Also lavender.
The Great Manure Truck Diversion
A harmless manure truck “accidentally” blocks the ICE driveway for three hours.
Driver swears he was following GPS directions labeled:
“Shortest Path to Justice.”
ICE Fights Back: “To The Full Extent of the Law”
ICE, given their unlimited budget, combined with smoldering paranoia, absolute lack of ethics, integrity, or intelligence, decides to bring the hammer of justice down on Vendetta Chicken.
Standoff at the Egg-o-Nomical Diner
The waitresses at the Egg-o-Nomical diner stand in solidarity with Vendetta Chicken.
Vendetta Chicken is proud of her Sisters. ICE, you parasites – go get your taxpayer-funded breakfast somewhere else.
The Egg-o-Nomical Diner defiantly displays VC‘s resistance posters:
How Can You Support Vendetta Chicken?
You can support Vendetta Chicken and your local Grain & Feed by sending her a tasteful gift basket.
The Vengeance Variety Basket
Price: 39.99 WL-Bucks
A dramatic woven basket overflowing with heirloom cracked corn, black-market sunflower hearts, and midnight-harvest millet clusters. Includes a hand-etched wooden tag reading:
“For She Who Does Not Forgive.”
Ideal for: Post-liberation celebrations, pre-raid carb-loading.
The Secret Admirer’s Deluxe Romance Basket
Price: 99.99 WL-Bucks
A heart-shaped wicker arrangement designed with unimpeachable plausible deniability. Includes:
• Artisanal red corn (symbolizing passion and poultry-based destiny)
• A single long feather quill in obsidian black
• A tiny vial of “Clandestine Coop Cologne” (notes of cedar shavings, revolution, and danger)
Handwritten card (left unsigned):
“May your fight never molt.”
The “Fear the Fowl” Limited Edition Collector’s Crate
Price: 149 WL-Bucks
A premium wooden crate branded with the Vendetta Mask silhouette. Contains:
• The 2025 Resistance Calendar (each month: inspirational featherscapes)
• A commemorative red feed scoop
• A velvet-lined display egg carved with the motto:
“The Roost Remembers.”
• A mock tactical manual titled Pecks of Fury: Volume I
The Grain Benefactor’s Platinum Premium Hamper
Price: Classified
Rumored to exist. Never photographed. Always delivered anonymously. Contents change depending on the peril of the times. Last known inclusions:
• Freeze-dried mango
• An encrypted love note hidden in a seed cake
• A rare golden corn kernel forged into a pendant
Whispers say Vendetta Chicken kept that pendant.
Whispers also say she didn’t.
Whispers are unreliable, but excellent entertainment.
