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We must admit that we’ve developed a paternal affection for Leo and the Twins. We trust them to do the right thing, but at the same time we worry about them. I talked it over with Elder G, and she/he suggested we take a road trip to see how they’re doing. Totally hands-off; no messing with their free will.
Before leaving on our trip, Elder G and I consulted Donna Bella-Donna. We explained our mission, to quietly check in, make sure they’re doing okay, and let their free will play out. Donna suggested we take along some of her shape-shifting cookies, so we could pass through their lives incognito. Elder G told Donna that s/he could handle the shape-shifting on her/his own, but thought it was a great idea for me.
Donna explained how it worked, “While nibbling on a cookie, concentrate carefully on the shape you want to assume. There’s an art to this, and it may take you a couple of tries to get it right.”
I was a little concerned. “How do I get out of a bad shape-shifting situation?”
Donna explained, “The spell will wear off in a few hours, but there is an antidote.” She pulled out a case of Big Red soda and an enormous can of Cub Scout caramel popcorn that WLBOTT had bought in a recent Troop 1024 fundraiser.
She explained, “To get out of an unpleasant shape-shift, eat big handfuls of this popcorn, very quickly, and down it with at least three bottles of Big Red.”
“Won’t that make me sick?” I asked.
“Oh yes. And the results will be spectacular. Technicolor. Send me a photo.”
The Playlist
The key to any good road trip is the playlist. Elder G and I discussed this at length. We both immediately agreed on “Radar Love,” of course, and eventually hammered out the following:
- Radar Love / Golden Earring · 1973
The official ignition song. No substitutions permitted. - Born to Be Wild / Steppenwolf · 1968
Because we haven’t received enough speeding tickets yet. - On the Road Again / Willie Nelson · 1980
Mandatory for any journey originating in Austin. An official municipal ordinance. - L.A. Woman / The Doors · 1971
Just for the “Mr. Mojo Risin'” section. Windows down. Sing at the top of our lungs. - La Grange / ZZ Top · 1973
Three Texans providing the appropriate soundtrack to get us out of the Hill Country. - Hot Rod Lincoln / Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen · 1971
A cautionary tale that we’ll completely disregard. - Jessica / The Allman Brothers Band · 1973
Six or seven glorious minutes of instrumental sunshine. - Johnny B. Goode / Chuck Berry · 1958
Of course. - Only the Lonely / Roy Orbison · 1960
Wink, look out! - Thunder Road & Born to Run / Bruce Springsteen · 1975
- Road to Nowhere / Talking Heads · 1985
For any existential crisis we may have on the drive. - Amarillo / Emmylou Harris
Because we never want to let down our guard against the temptations of pinball machines. - Oh, Pretty Woman/ Roy Orbison · 1964
Another nod to Wink. - Highwayman / The Highwaymen · 1985
- Someday Soon / Judy Collins
The Blue Northern - Amarillo by Morning, George Strait
They took my saddle in Houston
Broke my leg in Santa Fe
Lost my wife and a girlfriend
Somewhere along the way - Pancho & Lefty (of course!)
- Queen of the Silver Dollar (Emmylou Harris)
- The WASP (Texas Radio and the Big Beat), The Doors
- Boulder to Birmingham (Emmylou Harris)
As Elder G says, “Emmylou Harris can break your heart in four minutes flat.”
The Official WLBOTT Odessa Road Trip playlist can be viewed here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DKASEijH6T0aNRYrN1WEA?si=50157ee78b964f0b
We took the scenic route along Highway 190, then up 84.
While we were passing through Grape Creek, The Doors’ “Texas Radio and the Big Beat” came on.
I heard the lyric “the maiden with wrought iron soul” and was confused. I turned to Elder G and said, “I always thought it was ‘the maiden with wrought iron hair,’ you know, like a West Texas style.”
“No, you’re thinking of Northeast Texas Women, by Willis Alan Ramsey,” Elder G corrected. “Cast Iron Curls.”
You better run tell the world
You gotta have a Lone Star girl
With her cast iron curls
Her aluminum dimples
Cause she’s so simple to love
Admittedly, at this point we were getting a little road-burned, so Elder G conjured up some images to help pass the time.
We settled on these as our favorites:
Anyhow…
We pulled into Odessa in the late afternoon. It was a blustery day, making us think of Judy Collins’ Blue Northern in Someday Soon. Elder G and I strategized a bit while parked down the road from their new part-time home. The twins were going to use this house in Odessa as a place to stay during the week, to avoid the long commute back to Loving. We decided to shape-shift into Google Fiber installers, and after a quick call to Donna Bella-Donna back to WLBOTT HQ, she assured us that she could craft a spell that would actually set up their fiber account. [ed. note: we suspect Donna’s “spell” was probably creative hacking.]
But right as I began to nibble on Donna’s shape-shifting cookies, trying to concentrate on becoming a Google Fiber tech, I began to worry if we were being overly protective. As I nibbled on the cookie, I found myself transformed into a Mother Hen.
Luckily, Elder G was in the driver’s seat. I yelled, or, more accurately, cackled, “Code Red! Code Red! I need Big Red and Cub Scout popcorn, stat!”
After an intense round of the Big Red-and-popcorn antidote, Elder G and I were able to shape-shift into internet fiber installers. We knew that the Twins would be home from their 12-hour shifts, and were eager to get connected. The shape-shifting wasn’t perfect, but it was close.
The Twins were surprised, but happy to see us. Donna assured us that the twins’ account was already established, the installation was scheduled, and all the paperwork was in order. We decided not to inquire too closely about her methods. We fiddled around a bit outside, then went in to set up their wifi stuff. We noticed that the living room was much the same as when they’d bought the house, but they’d set up two desks – cinder blocks with 4’x8′ sheets of plywood. Each had its own laptop, and Lyra’s desk had a laser printer.
With Elder G’s magic touch, we had the wifi up in no time. Lyra and Lochlan each sat at their desks, connected to the new network, and within a few minutes they were battling each other in Monster Armadillos from Planet Zqogk.
We were proud of the kids. As Elder G and I drove back to WLBOTT HQ, we slowly shape-shifted back to normal. Elder G drove, and I snoozed.