(previous) part of our Tales of the WLBOTT series (next)
Kennetta, as manager of WLBOTT’s Ladle & Lube, had been anxious to try a new Taiwanese/Mexican fusion restaurant called Señor Taipei, located about 200 miles west of WLBOTT corporate HQ in Eldorado, Texas. She mentioned the outing to the team, and there was enthusiasm, but it seemed like a long drive. “What else can we add to the trip?” asked Grønk.
Fred, the penitent intern, did some research. “Remember the folks who bought all the okra? They were from Wink, right? Guess what? Wink High School is playing Eldorado High School this Friday. We can see the game and then go eat at Señor Taipei.”
Fred was impressed by the massive size of Texas, and how high school football dealt with these long distances. He enlisted Elder G‘s help to get a perspective:
Wink High School competes in UIL District 4-2A Division II. Because of sparse populations across West Texas and the Trans-Pecos, this district covers a staggering amount of territory.
Total County Footprint
If measuring the entire jurisdictional land area of the home counties represented by the schools (Culberson, Winkler, Upton, Pecos, and Schleicher counties):
- Culberson County (Van Horn): 3,813 sq mi
- Winkler County (Wink): 841 sq mi
- Upton County (McCamey): 1,242 sq mi
- Pecos County (Iraan): 4,765 sq mi
- Schleicher County (Eldorado): 1,311 sq mi
Combined County Area ≈ 11,972 square miles
For perspective, at roughly 10,000 to 12,000 square miles, Wink’s high school football district encompasses an area larger than the entire state of Maryland (~10,460 sq mi) or Massachusetts (~10,550 sq mi), and nearly ten times the size of Rhode Island. When the Wink Wildcats travel for an away game against Eldorado, it is a 340-mile round trip across the scrub desert and limestone plateau.
Elder G
Before we pack up and head west, let’s see how Señor Taipei came to be.
The Señor Taipei restaurant was founded by Joaquín Watts. Joaquín was a former engineer at a large 3-Initial Corporation (TIC, or “the Tick”) and worked closely with a group of Taiwanese engineers. He greatly admired his Taiwanese counterparts – they stood head-and-shoulders (figuratively only; they tended to be rather short) above the American counterparts, with a broad knowledge of digital design, manufacturing, procurement, and electronics.
Joaquín was also impressed by the Taiwanese engineers’ perception of America. In Taiwan, only the wealthiest lived in houses. Even the lead engineers lived in apartments, and maybe one in five owned a car. Taiwan was a country fighting tooth-and-nail to survive economically, politically and militarily, living under the dark volcano of mainland China. Plus all the male engineers, and all other males, had served three years in the Taiwanese military, creating an interesting shared experience (smoking and swearing and cynicism, was what Joaquín saw at first, but learned it went much deeper).
One of the interesting aspects of Joaquín‘s cultural broadening was learning that the Taiwanese engineers really disliked Mexican food. This was a big surprise – how could anyone not like Mexican food?
One of his buddies, Chang Chien-hung (張建宏), who started out as Alex Chang but quickly morphed into Bubba C, could eat peppers that would have killed Joaquín, loved Texas barbecue, but could not handle a plate of enchiladas and refried beans.
This question fascinated him, and he had some time to explore the topic in depth, as we shall soon see.
So How Did Joaquín End Up In Eldorado?
Joaquín‘s work with the Taiwanese engineers had ended several years before he was handed a breakthrough work assignment, an assignment that would launch him into upper management. He was given six months to pull together a time-sensitive project for a new laptop design that would leapfrog the competition and bring in pallets of money to TIC. He was given a tremendous amount of autonomy and authority to direct studies from TIC’s purchasing, manufacturing, sales, personnel, R&D….
Unfortunately for TIC, Joaquín‘s assignment came just one week after TIC’s CEO Glue Lustnutter stripped TIC’s employees of their retirement benefits, to the personal enrichment of himself and the shareholders. The vast majority of TIC’s employees, thinking they needed a job and health insurance, just took their lumps, even though, on average, they were losing over 50% of their retirement.
He may not have been consciously aware of it at the time, but Joaquín was experiencing a sort-of grief – the lose of faith in his employer, the loss of his retirement, the devaluation of his labor. He could just stuff it all down like everyone else seemed to do.
Joaquín decided to be a little more proactive.
Given his new six month assignment with the unprecedented autonomy and a generous budget, he developed a three-pronged strategy:
- Develop a dark, overly committed, enigmatic, impenetrable, cryptic, unfathomable, and sullen persona (he used a thesaurus to help craft this identity).
- Keep everyone else so busy they will become oblivious to his real activities
- Travel like crazy
Joaquín would come in early and leave late. Whenever anyone saw him, he always had a briefcase and a stack of papers. He would go into his office and close the door. He was surly to anyone who knocked. His office was a mess – stacks of documents, fast food wrappers, circuit board layouts, prototype designs.
Due to the perceived importance of this project, Joaquín had a lot of high level management at his disposal. He demanded proposals, designs, forecasts, projections, materials analysis, manufacturing floor plans, cost breakdowns…. They all had unreasonably short schedules, and he never read a single one of them. Instead, he’d fire off angry notes and demand revisions.
Traveling got him out of the office and made him generally unavailable.
Joaquín estimated that this busy-work of his required about 45 minutes a day. The rest of his time was devoted to two things: understanding the gastronomic incompatibility of Taiwanese and Mexican food, and doing a shitload of Sudoku puzzles.
As the 6-month project deadline approached, Joaquín prepared the final document. It consisted of an introduction and two sections.
Introduction: Major World Religions view on Theft, Fraud, and Dishonesty
Joaquín used a combination of Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint slides to provide a balanced and nuanced view of fraud from the world’s major religions.
Summary Comparison
| Religion | Core Principle / Rule | Includes Fraud & Deception? | Key Consequence / Remedy |
|---|---|---|---|
| Judaism | 8th Commandment (“Do not steal”) / Noachide Laws | Yes (geneivas daas, false weights, business fraud) | Restitution + fines; desecration of God’s name (chillul Hashem) if public |
| Christianity | Exodus 20:15 / Teachings on fruit of the heart | Yes (cheating in trade, wage withholding, false testimony) | Repentance, moral transformation, and restitution |
| Islam | Sharia prohibition of sariqah and ghishsh | Yes (market deception, hiding defects, cheating) | Repentance, legal restitution, and spiritual accountability |
| Buddhism | The 2nd Precept (Adinnādāna) | Yes (fraud, plagiarism, tax evasion, time theft) | Karmic retribution (misery/poverty); cultivated via generosity (dāna) |
| Hinduism | Asteya (Yamas / Tirukkural ethics) | Yes (bribery, crooked deals, exploitation) | Karmic rebound and spiritual degradation |
| Jainism | Asteya Anuvrat / Mahavrat | Yes (false weights, tax evasion, hidden profits) | Karmic bondage affecting the soul; strict penance and repair |
Section I: Merging Taiwanese and Mexican Cuisine: Challenges and Opportunities
Section Ia: The Dairy Barrier
Adult lactase non-persistence rates in East Asian populations range from 70% to 90%. While small amounts of baked goods or milk tea are common, large amounts of heavy melted cheese, queso, and sour cream frequently cause genuine gastrointestinal discomfort.
(Joaquín included several anatomically and medically detailed photos of lactose intolerance. Estimated internal charge from US marketing: $24,000; from TIC International: $18,700.)
Section Ib: Mouthfeel and Acidity
Taiwanese cooking values crisp greens, brothy lightness, and slippery/chewy starch textures. The dense, homogeneous paste of refried beans combined with sharp, raw lime/vinegar salsas feels heavy and discordant compared to the light, warming soups and stir-fries served at a typical Taiwanese lunch.
Comparison of Key Sensory Drivers
| Sensory Attribute | Traditional Taiwanese Baseline | Central / West Texas Mexican & Tex-Mex | Impact on First-Time Taiwanese Diners |
| Dominant Herb/Spice | Ginger, scallion, white pepper, five-spice | Cumin, Mexican oregano, chili powder | Cumin is perceived as intensely earthy or medicinal. |
| Fat & Dairy Use | Pork lard, sesame oil, neutral vegetable oil; virtually no melted cheese | Cheddar, Monterey Jack, Queso, sour cream, lard | Satiating, perceived as greasy; digestive discomfort from lactose. |
| Starch Texture | Soft steamed rice, elastic wheat noodles (Q), tender buns | Dense corn tortillas, fried crisp chips, mashed refried beans | Masa and bean purées feel dry, pasty, or overly heavy. |
| Heat / Pungency | Fresh chili rings, white pepper heat, pickled heat | Stewed dried chilis, jalapeño/serrano acids, chipotle smoke | The combination of acidity, smoke, and capsaicin hits the palate differently than clear broths. |
Section II: Sudoku
Joaquín organized his six months of completed Sudoku puzzles (2,184) in chronological order. Each was stamped “TIC Confidential Restricted” and given an internal security 12-digit tracking ID, at an internal cost of $1,200 per.
Joaquín liked Sudoku. He found it to be one of the few things in life where, if you followed the rules and applied logic, you could almost guarantee the outcome.
Anyhow…..
The meeting didn’t last too long. Joaquín never had a chance to show his PowerPoint slides, or even return to his office, but he had anticipated this.
Joaquín had a busy morning prior to the presentation. He donned his three-piece suit (he vowed this would be the last day he would wear a suit, or even a tie, for that matter) then drove to Fiesta to buy a ten pound bag of frozen raw chicken necks. It was still early when he got to his office. He locked his office door, climbed up on his desk (a violation of TIC safety protocol) and lifted the acoustic ceiling panel. Then he began to fling the frozen chicken necks, one by one, far and wide. He estimated his longest fling was a good 30 yards. Mostly he focused on the management cluster of offices, but saved a few for marketing.
In three days it would be noticeable. In five, intolerable.
The Presentation
The presentation began at 10:30. It was over at 10:33.
By 10:47 am, Joaquín found himself unceremoniously escorted into the TIC parking lot, where he climbed into his restored eggshell white 2002 Cadillac Eldorado 4.6 liter V8. The El Dorado’s cargo volume (15.3 ft³) was filled with a lifetime supply of staples, paper clips, binders, highlighters, memo pads, ballpoint pens, a white board, about a gallon of correction fluid, a good 20 pounds of logoed sticky notes, 7,250 pushpins (assorted colors) 6.2 linear miles of transparent tape, 1400 mechanical pencil lead refills, a fire extinguisher, a postage scale, and a plastic protractor (also logoed).
Joaquín recognized the irony of stealing from those he tried to school in ethics, but decided to live with the contradiction.
He also had a change of clothes. He lost the suit.
It was a gorgeous autumn morning in Central Texas – cool and crisp and refreshing. He peeled out of the parking lot, headed west onto US 183, then onto 29 in beautiful Liberty Hill, and when he got to Oatmeal (a side trip from Bertram), he pulled into the Oatmeal Freedmen Unitarian Universalist church.
He donated all the office supplies (except for the protractor) to Jacinta, the bewildered office manager. He also gave her 100 $100 bills and asked to join the congregation. She wrote down his contact info (just a P.O. box and an email address at this point) and welcomed him to the fold. Joaquín inquired about the pot lucks, a favorite church event for Jacinta, and they gabbed for a good twenty minutes.
Jacinta family had lived in the Oatmeal area for over 150 years. Following the Civil War, her family helped form the freedman colony that brought community to this Hill Country area.
With the help of a handful of supportive German and Czech neighbors, they grew corn and cotton, raised cattle and pigs, and opened a church. The soil was poor, the rains unpredictable, but Jacinta was here today because of their tenacity. She loved the history and the genealogy of the area, she loved bluebonnets, and she loved the church pot lucks! In addition to being the church’s office manager, she maintains the archives.
As Joaquín heard the history of the church, he had a realization, “In a way, I’ve just become a free man myself today.”
Jacinta gave him a look, and wondered, Divorce? Bankruptcy? Parole? She didn’t know him well enough to ask, so she simply replied, “Well, congratulations. What are you planning to do with your freedom?”
“Open a Taiwanese-Mexican restaurant.”
Jacinta‘s theories went out the window. “Invite me to opening night!”
But Jacinta had to get back to work and Joaquín had to get back on the road, so they promised to see each other at the next pot luck.
Joaquín continued west, deep into the Hill Country, through Burnet, Llano, Mason. At Menard he picked up US 190, and reached Eldorado by late afternoon. He pulled his El Dorado into his rented house, just down the road from the failed pizzeria that he now owned. Upon reflection, Joaquín realized just how busy he’d been for the past six months, and just how happy he was just now.
And that’s how Señor Taipei came to be.
