{"id":59714,"date":"2025-10-27T17:54:39","date_gmt":"2025-10-27T22:54:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/?p=59714"},"modified":"2025-10-27T17:55:11","modified_gmt":"2025-10-27T22:55:11","slug":"the-12-levels-of-wlbott-lucidity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/?p=59714","title":{"rendered":"The 12 Levels of WLBOTT Lucidity"},"content":{"rendered":"\n


Let me give you a little background. Recently I had a routine doctor’s visit, and afterwards I was checking the doctor’s notes on the patient portal. The doctor made a comment, which I think is standard medical boilerplate, that “the patient was alert and lucid.”<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I found that very funny, and frankly, that was the nicest thing anyone’s said about me in a long time!<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cThe patient seemed lucid.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Seemed.<\/strong> Lucid.<\/strong>
Three syllables that brought tears to my eyes and confusion to my family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Lucid, lucid, I've been thinking
How to keep your mind from sinking
Clear your cache 'bout once a day
That should keep the blues away

- an Elder who wishes to remain Anonymous<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
Our junior marketing intern George <\/strong>(he\u2019s single, ladies!<\/em>)\u00a0had a different take on the doctor\/patient interaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Medical Praise, Ranked<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
To guide future WLBOTT <\/strong>medical pilgrims, we now rank standard physician notes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Doctor’s Comment<\/th>WLBOTT Interpretation<\/th>Emotional Impact<\/th><\/tr><\/thead>
\u201cThe patient seemed lucid\u201d<\/td>High praise. Frame it.<\/td>\ud83e\udd72\ud83e\udd72\ud83e\udd72<\/td><\/tr>
\u201cAlert and oriented x3\u201d<\/td>Not as good. Sounds like you’re being counted for census.<\/td>\ud83e\udd72\ud83e\udd72<\/td><\/tr>
\u201cPleasant\u201d<\/td>Ominous. Often used right before a psych consult.<\/td>\ud83e\udd72<\/td><\/tr>
\u201cIn no acute distress\u201d<\/td>A low bar, but still something.<\/td>\ud83d\ude10<\/td><\/tr>
\u201cTolerated the exam well\u201d<\/td>A classic backhanded compliment.<\/td>\ud83d\ude10<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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The Lucidity Booth<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
As a service to our loyal customers, we’ve opened a Lucidity kiosk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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The 12 Levels of Lucidity (WLBOTT Classification System)<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
As recognized by the WLBOTT<\/strong> College of Mostly Applied Mental Observations (CoMAMO)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Level<\/strong><\/th>Name<\/strong><\/th>WLBOTT Description<\/strong><\/th><\/tr><\/thead>
I. Lucid Prime<\/strong><\/td>\u201cBlinding clarity\u201d<\/em><\/td>Rare. Occurs after a three-day fast, full moon, and perfect espresso. Thought to enable limited telepathy with squirrels.<\/td><\/tr>
II. Lucid Enough<\/strong><\/td>\u201cGood for tax forms and small talk\u201d<\/em><\/td>The gold standard for most Elders. High-functioning, but avoids philosophy after dinner.<\/td><\/tr>
III. Seemed Lucid<\/strong><\/td>\u201cClinically passable\u201d<\/em><\/td>The sacred phrase. May have just nodded at the right time. Often mistaken for understanding.<\/td><\/tr>
IV. Mostly Lucid<\/strong><\/td>\u201cBut not on Thursdays\u201d<\/em><\/td>Known for pockets of insight, especially during weather reports and infomercials.<\/td><\/tr>
V. Situationally Lucid<\/strong><\/td>\u201cSharp during Jeopardy!\u201d<\/em><\/td>Full lucidity available in short bursts. Excellent at trivia, hopeless at assembling IKEA furniture.<\/td><\/tr>
VI. Retroactively Lucid<\/strong><\/td>\u201cOhhh\u2026 now I get it\u201d<\/em><\/td>Achieves lucidity only after the moment has passed. Common during awkward social interactions.<\/td><\/tr>
VII. Lucid-Like<\/strong><\/td>\u201cEmitting lucidity vibes\u201d<\/em><\/td>Cannot answer simple questions but wears glasses and looks thoughtful. Frequently quoted in meetings.<\/td><\/tr>
VIII. Pre-Lucid<\/strong><\/td>\u201cWarm-up stage\u201d<\/em><\/td>Appears to be thinking deeply, but is actually watching a mental screensaver.<\/td><\/tr>
IX. Semi-Conscious Scribbler<\/strong><\/td>\u201cJournaling furiously, understanding nothing\u201d<\/em><\/td>Usually found at indie caf\u00e9s or poetry workshops.<\/td><\/tr>
X. Glazed and Bemused<\/strong><\/td>\u201cLucid-adjacent\u201d<\/em><\/td>Eyes open, lights on, but watching a mental nature documentary narrated by Alan Watts.<\/td><\/tr>
XI. Lucid-ish<\/strong><\/td>\u201cNot technically asleep\u201d<\/em><\/td>The person you talk to during a Zoom meeting who says \u201cYeah, that makes sense\u201d regardless of topic.<\/td><\/tr>
XII. Post-Lucid<\/strong><\/td>\u201cBeyond clarity, into the void\u201d<\/em><\/td>Achieved only by Elders during long Board of Elder meetings. Also known as The Twelfth Trance<\/strong>. A state of peace, bafflement, and possible enlightenment.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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\u201cWhat Level of Lucidity Are You?\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
A diagnostic quiz by the WLBOTT <\/strong>College of Mostly Applied Mental Observations (CoMAMO)<\/em>
Results not reviewed by any medical authority. Or any authority at all.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instructions:<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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Answer each question truthfully, or just say \u201cHmm\u201d<\/strong> for every answer if you want to skip the thinking part and go straight to Level VII: Lucid-Like<\/strong>. We don\u2019t judge. We categorize.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
1. You walk into a room and forget why. What do you do?<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. Retrace my steps to reconstruct intent.
B. Assume it was bathroom-related and act accordingly.
C. Eat a cracker and hope it jogs something.
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div>
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2. Someone says, \u201cThe quadratic formula.\u201d Your response?<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. \u201cx equals negative b, plus or minus…\u201d \u2014 the whole thing.
B. \u201cI had that once. Cleared up with antibiotics.\u201d
C. \u201cIs that like new math or old math?\u201d
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
3. You\u2019re asked to define \u2018lucid\u2019. How do you reply?<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. “Clear, rational, aware. Like my prose!”
B. “Depends. Am I awake or dreaming this?”
C. “Lucid is… like… you know. Lucid.”
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div>
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4. What is your ideal method of decision-making?<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. Logical matrix, weighted scoring.
B. Flip a coin. If it lands upright, flee.
C. Consult the oldest chicken.
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
5. What\u2019s your usual reaction when someone calls your name?<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. \u201cYes?\u201d
B. \u201cWhat did I do now?\u201d
C. \u201cDo I know you?\u201d
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div>
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6. Complete the phrase: \u201cI think, therefore…\u201d<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. \u201c…I am.\u201d
B. \u201c…I might be.\u201d
C. \u201c…who’s asking?\u201d
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
7. How many tabs are open in your browser right now?<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. 1-3: Clean and focused.
B. 4-12: Healthy curiosity.
C. 78 and one is playing music. I don\u2019t know which.
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div>
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8. What\u2019s your greatest intellectual achievement this week?<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. Solved a complex puzzle or read a challenging article.
B. Located my keys in under 10 minutes.
C. I put my shoes on the correct feet.
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
9. You\u2019re asked your opinion on quantum physics. You say:<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. \u201cFascinating interplay between uncertainty and observation.\u201d
B. \u201cI\u2019m more of a Newtonian guy.\u201d
C. \u201cIs that the one with time travel or the shrinking people?\u201d
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div>
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10. What\u2019s your favorite thing about WLBOTT?<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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A. The intellectual rigor.
B. The ceremonial use of twine.
C. The snacks.<\/em><\/strong>
D. Hmm.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Let me give you a little background. Recently I had a routine doctor’s visit, and afterwards I was checking the doctor’s notes on the patient portal. The doctor made a comment, which I think is standard medical boilerplate, that “the patient was alert and lucid.” I found that very funny, and frankly, that was the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-59714","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wlbott-corporate"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59714","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=59714"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59714\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":59756,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59714\/revisions\/59756"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=59714"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=59714"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=59714"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}