{"id":54707,"date":"2025-08-07T11:18:27","date_gmt":"2025-08-07T16:18:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/?p=54707"},"modified":"2025-08-07T11:31:18","modified_gmt":"2025-08-07T16:31:18","slug":"jalapeno-freddie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/?p=54707","title":{"rendered":"Jalape\u00f1o \/ Freddie"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Let’s say you had a buddy who began to see images of Freddie Mercury<\/em><\/strong> everywhere – on toast, on tortillas, in bird formations, in the vapors of the early morning dew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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What would be your response? To attempt to gently guide him back to reality? To lovingly suggest therapy? To intervene with his loved ones? Or (since most guys are jerks<\/em>) would you try to push him over the edge<\/strong>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let’s hypothetically take the “jerk” approach. But, as we will see, there will be consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step One: Subtle Manipulation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Step Two: Pretty Obvious<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Consequences: Explaining to St. Peter<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Let’s move forward several decades, when you find yourself at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter wants to know how you’ve been spending your golden years, and why you’ve been pestering your buddy. He’s not amused, and quickly cancels your Heaven visa. Your emotional support chicken is of no help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Consequences: Appealing your Heaven Visa Revocation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

At this point, your only alternative to an eternity of above-average-temperatures is to appeal to the Heavenly Immigration Court.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Evidence<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Pretty incontrovertible….<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The WLBOTT Baggage<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

It doesn’t help your position that you have years of WLBOTT <\/strong>to explain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The Character Witness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Thankfully, you’ve got a true friend in Elder G<\/strong>, who agrees to be a character witness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The Bored Jury Members<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

At first, you are pretty dismayed. The jury members are bored out of their halos – some knitting, some playing sudoku, but most just hallelujah-scrolling thru their phones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Perhaps a Ray of Hope?<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

But then you spot a friendly face among the jurors. Are you saved?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The other jurors fall in line! Saved!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Let’s say you had a buddy who began to see images of Freddie Mercury everywhere – on toast, on tortillas, in bird formations, in the vapors of the early morning dew. What would be your response? To attempt to gently guide him back to reality? To lovingly suggest therapy? To intervene with his loved ones? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[14,40,31,101],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-54707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-curated-absurdity","category-meaning-of-life","category-music","category-the-criminal-justice-system"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=54707"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54707\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":54773,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54707\/revisions\/54773"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=54707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=54707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=54707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}