{"id":39529,"date":"2024-11-09T04:23:23","date_gmt":"2024-11-09T10:23:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/?p=39529"},"modified":"2024-11-09T04:42:11","modified_gmt":"2024-11-09T10:42:11","slug":"tess-sheep-and-claxonmania","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/?p=39529","title":{"rendered":"Tess, Sheep, Chihuahuas, and Claxonmania"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Dear Tess,<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve fallen into the habit of listening to air raid sirens. Not just one, but usually five. I like the way they go in and out of phase and produce delightful harmonics. For variation, I will start the playlist in different order, or use the shuffle feature of Spotify.<\/p>\n<\/div>

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It’s been a bit of a financial drain – I’ve had to purchase five different Spotify accounts, and I’m thinking of bumping it up to seven. But God bless the endless loop feature!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lately, the air raid sirens are the only thing that brings me comfort. I fall asleep to the yearning and pleading warnings, knowing that I’m safe within my fetal position.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unexpectedly and probably coincidentally, my wife left me on the third day of my raid-a-thon. She moved into a double-wide with her sister, her brother-in-law, four toddlers, and seven chihuahuas, hoping to find some peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyhow, the carburetor float valve keeps sticking on my John Deere Z545R zero-turn mower.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sincerly,
Waaa-Waaa-Waaa-Narr-Nee-Narr-Nee dot com<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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Dear WWWNNNN<\/strong>,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let’s address the big problem first. There’s nothing a Z425 can do that a few sheep can’t do better. A new Z425 is going to run you close to $7K. A sheep runs about $225<\/strong>. The WM2SE <\/strong>(W<\/strong>LBOTT M<\/strong>ower to S<\/strong>heep E<\/strong>quivalent) is about 31. And you can’t eat your lawn mower.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Not to mention that you are paying a huge markup for green paint. According to Elder G,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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John Deere\u2019s iconic shade of green, often referred to as \u201cJohn Deere Green,\u201d is trademarked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

John Deere uses green (PMS 364) and yellow (PMS 109) to distinguish its agricultural and landscaping equipment, and it has trademarked both colors specifically for this purpose.<\/p>\nElder G<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

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We provide the HTML RGB values as a caution to anyone that would attempt to violate the intellectual property of John Deere.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

RGB: #367C2B<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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(sided note – I contacted the WLBOTT <\/strong>IP department, and after 3 weeks and 17 unreturned calls, they finally provided me with information about the airsick-bag green they used on the WLBOTT <\/strong>web site.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The magic number is RGB #99aaa4<\/strong>.)<\/p>\n<\/div>

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Tess has More Concerns<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

b.t.w. – nnnn.com, I’m concerned that you may be a Chinese communist agitator, trying to compromise the resources of WLBOTT<\/strong>. Could you please explain this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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[ed. note: our commonwealth liaison cleared up an almost regrettable mistake.]<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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However, you have presented WLBOTT <\/strong>with an asset opportunity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Tess Addresses the Air Raid Sirens<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Now, as to your air raid question. This seems like a normal response to stressful current events, and an appropriate emotional release. I can understand the intense, almost primal allure of their sound\u2014chaotic, yet rhythmic and subtly harmonious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Technically, your condition is known as Sirenophilia<\/strong>, which is a sub-category of the more broad category of Alertophilia<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What you must avoid, however, are the more obsessive conditions of Alarmecho Syndrome<\/strong> which can sometimes lead to the often fatal Claxonmania<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Relative to your domestic tranquility, perhaps I could suggest a compromise, like designating an \u201cair raid siren hour\u201d (with headphones, mind you) so our siren aficionado can enjoy his phased symphonies without unsettling the household. And perhaps a peace offering of noise-canceling earplugs might help the missus return home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Follow-Up<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

WWWNNNN <\/strong>later sent us photos that detailed the progression of the marital spat and ultimate reconciliation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Turns out, the sister is a friend of the BLOTT.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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WWWNNNN’s mother-in-law popped in to provide support and timely advice to assist in the reconciliation.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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As a reconciliation gift, WWWNNNN gave his SU this lovely portrait to help her remember the tranquil respite she enjoyed at her sister’s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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References<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Dear Tess, I’ve fallen into the habit of listening to air raid sirens. Not just one, but usually five. I like the way they go in and out of phase and produce delightful harmonics. For variation, I will start the playlist in different order, or use the shuffle feature of Spotify. It’s been a bit […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[80,36,129],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-39529","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-domestic-tranquility","category-lasting-love","category-tess-twinehart"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39529","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=39529"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39529\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39569,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39529\/revisions\/39569"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=39529"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=39529"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=39529"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}