{"id":37772,"date":"2024-10-14T11:19:40","date_gmt":"2024-10-14T16:19:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/?p=37772"},"modified":"2024-10-14T11:22:14","modified_gmt":"2024-10-14T16:22:14","slug":"tess-talks-twine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wlbott.com\/?p=37772","title":{"rendered":"Tess Talks Twine"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Tess Twinehart’s advice to the lovelorn is a regular feature of WLBOTT<\/strong>. She also has expertise in farm equipment, emotional support chickens, and twineology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In her free time, Tess advocates for waxed dental floss, whole grains, and motion sickness awareness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tess is also an Olympic Hopeful.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Dear Tess,<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m writing you today because I\u2019m in a bit of a pickle. My love life\u2019s in a drought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am lovesick,
unrequited in love, spurned, jilted,
rejected, dejected, neglected,
forsaken,
yearning, pining, moping,
languishing, mooning,
frustrated,
miserable, and unhappy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My love life problems seemed to start when I aligned my hygiene routine to a lunar cycle<\/strong>. Coincidence?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Also, I’m using a New Holland 660 baler, and the hydraulic bale tensioner gauge reads 27,900 psi. Also, after about five minutes of baling, I get an overwhelming craving for Cinnabuns<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m wondering if these hay bales are some kind of sign from the universe about my romantic misfortunes. Could my machinery be reflecting my love life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Hay Bales and Heartbreak<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Dear Hay Hay,<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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At 27,900 psi, unless you are trying to recreate nuclear fusion in your hay baler, you’d better run! She’s gonna blow!<\/p>\n<\/div>

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As for the hygiene, move to a solar cycle (daily) rather than lunar (monthly). You will notice immediate results.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

New Holland 660? Good choice. I’d recommend you check out the spring tension (#6) on the twine indicator<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Now, on to your love life. Here are some practical suggestions. Start with<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Solar Hygiene Cycle (see above).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then let’s move on to HTML.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HTML (H<\/strong>ow T<\/strong>o M<\/strong>eet L<\/strong>adies)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You asked, and I deliver! If your heart\u2019s as twisted as those hay bales, it\u2019s time to take matters into your own hands and find the right<\/strong><\/em> person to join you in this glorious farm life. Here are my top suggestions for meeting a future wife, Tess-style:<\/p>\n\n\n\n